Alaska What Comes After
by bythewayleah
Summary: From Alaska's pov through death and after


Alaska Young

I'm woken to the sound of the payphone. Jake. I get up, dizzy from the haze of alcohol. The next thing I know is picking up the receiver.

"Jake?"

"Did you have a nice anniversary?"

"I had a splendid anniversary."

Then silence, my pen scratching images into the wall; the only sound.

"What are you doing?"

"Just doodling."

Then more silence. I glance down at my doodle. White flowers. 10th January.

"Oh God. Shit, shit, shit." My words turn into sobs.

"Alaska?"

"Got to go. Talk to you later." I rush through sobs.

My feet pound across the dorm circle. How? How can I be such a fuck up? I open the door to my room. And slam it. Still sobbing. Pudge and the Colonel bolt upright – I don't think I've ever seen them move so fast.

"I have to get out of here!" I cry

"What's wrong?" Pudge asks.

Images of earlier flash through my mind, I push them down. I take a deep breath. "God, how many times can I fuck up?" Then the rage and anger explodes like popping a champagne cork. "I JUST HAVE TO GO. HELP ME OUT OF HERE!"

"Where do you need to go?"

I sit down on sofa and put my head between my legs. The sobs still bursting from my mouth. "Just please distract the Eagle right now so I can go. Please." I need to go now. Now before I fuck up again.

In unison they say "OK."

The Colonel speaks next, breaking the strings between us. "Just don't turn on your lights. Just drive slowly and don't turn on your lights." Once a planner always a planner. Next a friend. "Are you sure you're alright?"

I wish they would stop asking me that. "Fuck." I scream now. "Just get rid of the Eagle for me." My screams are so child like they scare me, I am nine again. "God oh God, I'm so sorry."

"OK." The Colonel again. "Start your car when you hear the second string."

They leave with no goodbye.

Walking through the soccer field. Hurry. Hurry. Oh shit, Takumi.

"Alaska?"

I don't reply straight away. "My mother's dead eight years today." I sob. "I always put flowers on her grave." I let out a scream. "THERE'S NO FUCKING FLOWERS."

Then I run.

I hear the second firecracker explode - time to go. I turn the key and the engine splutters, and then slowly comes to life with a loud grunt. Blue citrus; the worlds noisiest, most crapest car. I need to be fucking quite for God's sake.

Then the sobs, again. Why do I have to fuck up all the time? I have no excuse. I'm a fucking mess! I can't even remember my own Mom's death anniversary! Just because I made out with Pudge! But that's no excuse. I look to the white flowers, pale against the black passenger seat. Jake. Pudge. Mom. I look back to the windscreen before the pain and guilt digs back in. That's when I see it. See it through the haze of drink. A truck. A fucking jackknifed truck blocking my way.

When do I decide? I think of the twists in my labyrinth path and I can see the exit. Of course I'm going take it! I'm pissed off at the world. I'm pissed off at myself. I'm just tired of being me. Straight and fast. Straight and fast. I whisper under my breath as my foot hardens on the accelerator. Flashing lights. Great, just fucking great, a police car. Who cares, I scream as I hurtle towards it. Straight and fast. Straight and fast.

Then blackness.

Out of this blackness; a door. A door that seems have been painted over as little patches of brown escape the green. The handle is bronze with rust patches. I push it down and push the door open. I close my eyes and step forward like as if I had done this before.

I carefully open my eyes. Then almost scream out in shock. I am in room 43, Pudge's room. I look down at myself; naked. Great I sigh. I climb on top of sleeping Pudge, so I am just hovering above him. His eyes blink open.

"Hi," He says "I've missed you."

"You look good, Pudge."

"So do you."

"I'm so naked," I say laughing. "How did I get so naked?"

"I just want you to stay."

So do I. But I cannot say that because something is pulling me away. "No." I say finally.

Then my conscious goes. I'm now seeing this from Pudge's eyes. He sees me fall dead on him. My head is split open and pink-grey sludge oozes from the fracture in my skull and drops down onto his face. He pushes the dead me off of him.

Then into the blackness again.


End file.
